Pubic Option

I'm in my 40s and my boyfriend is in his 30s. We haven't been seeing each other all that long, but he's asked me if I wouldn't mind getting rid of my pubes. I don't have any real objection to it, but is he pushing the hairy envelope by telling me what to do with my body?

ANSWER:

Dear Old Growth Forest,

Your Southern Yeti is yours to do with as you please. Why not ask him to bleach his trouser pelt blond and braid it into cornrows because you can only reach orgasm if you pretend his wiener is a scarecrow? You're both adults and someone your age shouldn't be putting up with these selfish demands, unless you stand on the delicate precipice of infertility in which case DO WHATEVER IS NECESSARY TO BRING THE CHILD TO TERM.

After clearing your mound like a napalmed Vietnamese jungle what if he asks you to go in for botox, lipo, rogaine? Don't give ground to this youngster- if you feel sexy the way you are then that's just as important if not more than what turns him on.

Actually, what if he's asking you to do it because you're really gross down there... you should probably just do it.

Slash and burn,
Fancy Advice Blog

Technophobe

QUESTION:

I work in an office setting featuring a hefty share of coworkers on the verge of retirement. These colleagues, although equipped with company laptops and blackberries, are complete Luddites. When one coworker in particular is in the office, I am interrupted no fewer than four to five times a day with lame requests to "delete a row in a table," to "change the font size," or to "burn a CD."

I love this woman to pieces, as she's always adorably kind and sweet about her requests, but I am beginning to resent the constant interruptions as she doesn't seem to be willing to learn how to do any of these things for herself. I love her, but I am tired of being bothered! Should I tell her how I feel or should I just wait for her to retire?

ANSWER:

Dear Worker Bee,

Ah, the continuing conflict between the Old Folks and the Young'uns in the workplace. Tale as old as time, as Mrs. Potts would say.

Realistically, there's no chance in hell that this lovely lady on the verge of retirement is going to learn "Computers" anytime soon. You, being a young kid, find technology easy and harmless. But to this woman, every keystroke spells confusion and potential disaster. She might get a "virus"! No wonder she asks for your help instead of forging through the wilderness herself.

Next time she calls upon your expertise, I recommend doing one of two things:

1. Tell her you're too busy, but she should ask that new young assistant in another department, he's GREAT with computers!!!!!!

2. Write out detailed instructions and tape them to her cubicle wall so she can be a Big Girl and do it herself.

Get Back to Work,
Fancy Advice Blog