QUESTION:
Ok, I'm an adorable 26 year old gay guy, and I just went to a website which offers its visitors the chance to find their celebrity doppelganger. Unfortunately, after uploading a front-facing, glasses-free picture of my handsome mug, the results yielded only FEMALE matches! Do I really look like Michelle Rodriguez? I live in a trashy neighborhood and have been considering getting involved in a knife fight. Maybe some youngster would slash my face and add a touch of masculine scar tissue to my pretty face. Thoughts? Please help!
ANSWER:
Dear Pantywaist Peter Pan,
"Sometimes I worry that I'm, like, TOO pretty. Like, maybe I should get knocked around a bit so, like, all the haterz will stop drinking the Haterade™ and the Hate Fructose Corn Syrup levels in my self-centered orbit will return to acceptable levels. Myspace!"
That's what you sound like. Go ahead, get your "handsome mug" ass torn up, so we can all learn the previously undiscovered value of loving yourself just the way you are.
Or try shaving your head and growing a beard. If the surging popularity of Butt Magazine and Pin Ups has taught us anything, it's that postbear is the new gym bunny in the gay community, so let the halcyon hirsute days roll.
Too pretty for jail,
Fancy Advice Blog
PS- Michelle Rodriguez bagged Olivier Martinez, so maybe looking like her ain't such a bad thing.
Showing posts with label shame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shame. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Orange Soda
QUESTION:
Help! I love orange soda. Its delicious pep and explosion of caffeine make for the perfect pick-me-up in a horrendously boring corporate office environment. I try not to have it more than once a week, but when I do, I worry that people may be judging me. It is, after all, slightly juvenile to be drinking fluorescent orange soda pop... do I give up the guilty pleasure?
ANSWER:
Dear Spray Tan,
Look, just because something's orange doesn't mean it's bad. Just ask Snooki and all her friends on "Jersey Shore." They're ADORABLE!
I'm a firm believer in Doing What You Want To Do As Long As You Ain't Hurtin' Nobody. If you really believe your co-workers are judging you based on your weekly beverage of choice, well, wow. I feel sorry for them. You could be drinking Nyquil mixed with crushed Celexa, and who are they to judge? This is AMERICA, DAMMIT.
If you insist on being a self-conscious ninny about it, there's an easy fix. Pour your soda in a black coffee mug and no one will ever know the difference.
Drink Up,
Fancy Advice Blog
Help! I love orange soda. Its delicious pep and explosion of caffeine make for the perfect pick-me-up in a horrendously boring corporate office environment. I try not to have it more than once a week, but when I do, I worry that people may be judging me. It is, after all, slightly juvenile to be drinking fluorescent orange soda pop... do I give up the guilty pleasure?
ANSWER:
Dear Spray Tan,
Look, just because something's orange doesn't mean it's bad. Just ask Snooki and all her friends on "Jersey Shore." They're ADORABLE!
I'm a firm believer in Doing What You Want To Do As Long As You Ain't Hurtin' Nobody. If you really believe your co-workers are judging you based on your weekly beverage of choice, well, wow. I feel sorry for them. You could be drinking Nyquil mixed with crushed Celexa, and who are they to judge? This is AMERICA, DAMMIT.
If you insist on being a self-conscious ninny about it, there's an easy fix. Pour your soda in a black coffee mug and no one will ever know the difference.
Drink Up,
Fancy Advice Blog
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