Pretty Boi

QUESTION: 

Ok, I'm an adorable 26 year old gay guy, and I just went to a website which offers its visitors the chance to find their celebrity doppelganger. Unfortunately, after uploading a front-facing, glasses-free picture of my handsome mug, the results yielded only FEMALE matches! Do I really look like Michelle Rodriguez? I live in a trashy neighborhood and have been considering getting involved in a knife fight. Maybe some youngster would slash my face and add a touch of masculine scar tissue to my pretty face. Thoughts? Please help! 

ANSWER: 

Dear Pantywaist Peter Pan,

"Sometimes I worry that I'm, like, TOO pretty. Like, maybe I should get knocked around a bit so, like, all the haterz will stop drinking the Haterade™ and the Hate Fructose Corn Syrup levels in my self-centered orbit will return to acceptable levels. Myspace!"

That's what you sound like. Go ahead, get your "handsome mug" ass torn up, so we can all learn the previously undiscovered value of loving yourself just the way you are.

Or try shaving your head and growing a beard. If the surging popularity of Butt Magazine and Pin Ups has taught us anything, it's that postbear is the new gym bunny in the gay community, so let the halcyon hirsute days roll.

Too pretty for jail,

Fancy Advice Blog

PS- Michelle Rodriguez bagged Olivier Martinez, so maybe looking like her ain't such a bad thing.